The Time He Pulled Me Over

"Oh no ... not again!" For the third Sunday in a row, right in the middle of the message, I felt the overwhelming urge to stand. There was no reason I knew of – it seemed quite insane actually.  Each time, I thought it could be the Holy Spirit, but instead concluded it was insanity, and refused. This time, a wave of trembling heat flowed through my body. My heart raced – pounded. I wondered if people next to me could hear the thumping of my terrified heart. “No! Not now! Not here!” I silently argued. “Everyone would see! And what then? Just stand there like an idiot for no reason? I’ll disrupt the service, interrupt, distract everyone … no. It’s rude and crazy and I’m not doing it!” That was the third and final time I refused. After the service, I knew in my heart it had been the Holy Spirit, and I had refused Him.

The next day I began to apologize to God for disobeying, but before I knew it I was making excuses.
"I’m sorry … but I really didn’t see the point. What was the reason? What was I supposed to say? I would have looked like an idiot! A complete fool!” Gently, Jesus spoke to my heart, “I was a fool for you.”

Tears fell. Suddenly it didn’t matter at all what anyone thought. Now what I’d been asked to do seemed tiny – miniscule – atom size.

Two weeks later, each Sunday passed without the ‘urge’. My chance had passed.

One evening, driving alone in my car, I prayed. “Lord, I’m so sorry I disobeyed. Please give me another opportunity to obey you. Please don’t give up on me. I’ll obey!  … well, I mean … I’ll try. I really want to obey. Please give me another chance.” Almost instantly, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart, “Okay, stop the car.”

My heart jumped, and I pulled into the next driveway. It happened to be a local park. Our silent conversation went something like,
“Okay, now what?”
“Get out of the car.”  I got out and stood on the grass.
“What do you see?” I saw children on swings with dads pushing them, I saw people going for walks. I saw grass, trees and sky.
“I don’t get it.”  There were no other words. I just stood in silence, waiting. I was drawn toward the ditch, so walked over. I stood there in the long, lush grass and watched a small stream of water that was so still it looked like glass. It reflected trees and sky. Suddenly it hit me – Psalm 23. My God had just led me to still waters and green pasture!
 I recited what I knew of the psalm quietly to myself as tears streamed. “The Lord is my Shepherd … He leads me by still waters and green pastures…. He restores my soul.”

“...He restores my soul.”

That day I received a promise from my Jesus. Even though I fail, disobey, and fear others more than God, He restores my soul.  

With that hearty dose of grace, I drove home ready to obey – ready to serve wholeheartedly the One who loves me so much despite what I do. (or don't do) 

What an awesome God.

(interesting side note: a few weeks later, the City dug out and paved the bottom of that ditch. Everything in God's timing...) 


MTJ said...

Hi Kim,

As I read this, I was so genuinely touched by your desire and conflict that I began to marvel at the method the Lord used to show you love and grace; not rejection.

I think we often feel and believe that, surely now the Lord is thru with me. They are words which echo as guilt seems to envelope us.

But God is so loving and gracious!

I'm writing this comment and the words from king David in Psalm 63 speak to my heart:

"O God, Thou art my God; I shall seek Thee earnestly;
My soul thirsts for Thee, my flesh yearns for Thee,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water...

Blessings and peace.


From The Heart Online said...

Amen! Praise God for his amazing work! Thank you for those words of scripture. God is good :)

Sharon Kirby said...

What a message to me (to all of us really). Sometimes we're compelled to do something, and we squelch the urge to act. Thank goodness God is NEVER through with us, and He will never stop prompting our spirits. What a neat story about him "stopping" you! And what a lovely little blessing he gave you in that park (the picture was really nice, by the way!)

He does indeed restore our souls, and He loves us with compassion and patience...


Mari said...

Wonderful and inspiring post.

I had an experience like that a few times, the first time I also hesitated to do what the spirit told be to say out loud because I was scared what other might think of me, the third time I heard the spirit and hesitated then he said are you willing to loose your blessing because of what others might think? I then praised the Lord as he wanted me too, and didn't care what others said. It is so comforting to know that the Lord still talks to us and leads us by still waters and green pastures, and restores our souls!

From The Heart Online said...

Hi Sharon! So right that he NEVER leaves us. Sometimes it's work to remember that (guess that's why it's called faith, right?) :)

Thanks Mari, for sharing that. I love how the Spirit speaks to us all. It's amazing to consider that we're all special. We each have a unique purpose. Amazing.

Sab said...

sniff... I LOVE that story. Isn't He amazing... after all we do (or don't do), He restores our souls. Sigh... :)

Jean-Louis said...

Hello Kim,

Thanks for this refreshing and uplifting blog and sharing some of your life experience with us. I will give later the time that it deserves. We just came back from a trip to Rio de Janeiro and are exhausted.
I myself have experienced a few times this small voice of the Spirit and everytime I followed it lead me to a deeper understanding of God's way with us, of his love and amazing grace for us. I found your blog through my sister-in-law Ester's blog Uni-versos. She is an amazing poet and human being. Very inspiring and we have become good friends. I would like to invite you to come and pay a visit to my blog:
Like you I enjoy bragging about what my savior Jesus had done in my life. We just come back from a trip to Rio de Janeiro all guided by the hand of the Lord who has intervened mightily in our lives. I will chronicle a littel bit of the travel experiences in a post soon.

Just come in and make yourself at home. Share a comment if you like, I always enjoy other ppeople's thoughts.
Grace, peace, love and joy to you.

Take care. Jean-Louis.

Charlotte said...

Sometimes God goes the extra mile to get our attention. Thank you for sharing your experience. I like the way you explained Christianity in your last post as well. What better way to do it than to testify to what God has done in your life.

shannon i olson said...

How refreshing and wonderful how God's timing works. amazing

From The Heart Online said...

Hi Jean-Louis! Welcome here! It made me smile when you said 'bragging' about what our Savior has done. Let me boast about nothing but what Jesus Christ has done for me! :)

Charlotte - welcome, and thank you for stopping by! I read recently that testimonies are gold scrolls stored in heaven. I like that image...

Hi Shannon! thanks for visiting! I stopped by your blog too. Great to meet other homeschooling moms ;)


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