The last month has been filled with challenges, insights, and loads of affirmation about which path I should take. God shone a new light on 20 years of rejection - amazing. Stepping out in faith yielded loads of affirmation; I have been challenged to love and give unselfishly, and to rely on God to breathe life into his project (the book and tour). I was hearing His voice, seeing His hand, and swimming in affirmation!
Now, there is quiet - and not restful quiet either. I’m anxious and restless, and can’t seem to sit still for 5 minutes. It’s a little disturbing. I run to movies or online games… anything to hide. What am I running from?
I was confident about what God’s asked me to do. He confirmed it, and I became even more confident. Then came the work of it … suddenly I questioned it all again.
I don’t know how to start! I don’t know what I’m doing!
I’m going to mess it up! I’ll look like a fool! People will judge me!
Who do I think I am to pull this off?!
Other challenges – trials, if I may – have joined in to shake my confidence.
- our vacant property is not selling, but it is costing money every month, and so is the debt associated with renovating it. Financial squeeze. … Is it supposed to sell? What’s the plan, God?
- It might have been a test or distraction, but I could have taken a news writing job – full time, sounds exciting, totally could do it.. but it’s not God’s plan for me right now.
- And there are other things that pull at my heart, making me ask, “God! What is the plan?!”
Then this morning I came across these verses:
“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For,
“In just a little while,
he who is coming will come
and will not delay.”
“But my righteous one will live by faith.
And I take no pleasure
in the one who shrinks back.”
Hebrews 10:35-38 (NIV)
“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”
James 1:2-4 NLT
I think the time of basking in affirmation has passed because I have stopped moving. I have stopped walking in faith, and have instead begun to ‘shrink back’. Makes sense then, that I wouldn’t have any peace about it!
It’s go time.
Time to patiently endure whatever is going on (with the joy of knowing God is at work and will use it to purify me and conform me to His image)
Time to WORK and MOVE forward into the plan God already gave me.
Time to ‘trust in the Lord’ and ‘continue to do God’s will’
No shrinking back. No turning back.
Lord, I’m scared. But you are with me, so who could be against me? Who shall I fear? You made all that is, and you are with me. Lord, thank you so much for giving me tasks that are bigger than me. I can’t do them without you. Thank you so much that it really is you working here. Thank you for building my faith, and growing my endurance. I choose to consider these troubles ‘joy’. Help me to remember that! Lord, let me see your hand and sense your presence again. Use my life and words to build your kingdom I pray. Amen.