Sometimes I don't know whether to fight, scream, or go blind.
Sometimes God allows instant results and provides clear direction, other times He just doesn't.
Ding Ding... Let the wrestling begin.
It's not new. We all wrestle. So what.
But even in the scrapping - when I'm on the ropes almost losing my mind, God is the same good, loving Father He always was.
I just don't understand Him sometimes.
It's the kind of wrestling I can't put into words. Yet.
But, I thought I'd send you a note and let you know I am, in fact, alive.
More than that, I'm thankful. ... in a frustrated kind of way...
I know this time of questions and searching and wrestling will yield growth.
Closeness with God.
It just kind of sucks right now. It's the kind of time that leaves me crying suddenly for no reason, (and in public! Hooray, my favorite...) the kind that leaves me enraged for no identifiable cause...
the kind that seems to reveal my every flaw and fault and shortcoming.
I can not in fact, rely on myself at all for spiritual anything.
God has to be the keeper of my salvation and very soul,
and He is my only hope.
While that concept sometimes comforts me, it also makes me crazy. (You mean I have to release my control-clinch?!)
So. A verse to encourage me, and maybe you too.
I trust in you for salvation, O Lord!
But when I am afraid,
I will put my trust in you.
... for I know the one in whom I trust, and I am sure
that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him
until the day of his return.
2 Timothy 1:12